Bill Cosby and Triggers

As someone who is actively engaged with the online community surrounding sexual assault awareness, I am constantly surrounded by news stories on the topic. That means that for the past few months– and especially the past week– my various news feeds have been bombarded with stories about Bill Cosby.

I want to start out by saying how much my heart is going out to all of the survivors who have spoken up against Bill Cosby and to the survivors who have chosen to not go public. My heart is full of support for these individuals and their loved ones, and full of anger towards the justice system that has repeatedly failed them, the media and individuals who have shamed and silenced them, and their assailant. There has been a lot of good, survivor-supporting press on the topic– to view some of that, click here, here, or here.

Each and every time I hear the name “Bill Cosby,” an overwhelming sense of anxiety and fear overtakes my mind and body. And I actually feel badly about my reaction– I should feel content with the fact that this is getting so much press coverage. I should feel all of that anger and disgust towards this man, but not fear or anxiety– after all, he is not my assailant. He does not know me. Statistically speaking, I will never, ever encounter this man.

But then I realized that I might not be the only one feeling this way, and I considered what I would tell someone who came to me with the same thoughts. Your triggers, your thoughts, and your experience is valid. It is yours. If you need to turn off the TV when a news story comes on or avoid specific articles on Twitter, that is okay. If you need to take a step away from a conversation surrounding current events or have a cry or talk though your feelings with a friends, that is okay. Allow yourself to feel and process and take care of yourself in whatever ways you need to. You deserve to feel safe.

To The Man In The Suit

To the man who told me yesterday that there needed to be less of me,
that I needed to take up less space with the cells making up my skin and my nose and my stomach and my body,
that I needed to consume less to combat the dreaded f-word, the fat word,
I say no.

These are my arms,
my mother’s arms, my grandmother’s arms– strong and proud and glorious–
meant for lifting up others and doing our own damn housework and holding beautiful babies, should we choose to embrace motherhood.

These are my legs,
my father’s legs, my grandfather’s legs– tall and full and solid–
meant for rooting into the ground when the world grows weary and standing up for our beliefs and for holding us up through laborious journeys.

This is my stomach,
the embodiment of the women who have come before me– soft and changing and occasionally a battleground–
meant for taking in the energy that sustains my strength and for deep belly laughs and one day, not now or soon but one day, holding a child.

Sir, this is my body. I could name every part and tell you about its lineage and its purpose. But this body is mine. And that is reason enough to love it.

So, no. I will not take up less space for your eyes and plastic soul.
This is my body.
Not yours.

I Need Trigger Warnings: A Response to Skidmore News

Each day since the horrifying Skidmore News article was released deeming trigger warnings as unnecessary and “intellectually lazy,” I have sat down and attempted to write a response letter to the editorial board. But, each time, I cannot get past the first paragraph without letting my anger get the best of me and needing to take a step back.

I am a survivor of sexual assault. I need trigger warnings. Notice that I use the word “need”– not want, not favor, but need. In order to be a student who is actively able to contribute to the classroom environment, in order to be a productive member of a workplace, in order to function socially. When a professor or coworker or friend prefaces something they’re about to say with the words “trigger warning” or some sort of preface that we’re going to be discussing a sensitive topic, I am able to brace myself in order to fully engage in this interaction.

The words of this article further enforces the damaging stigma surrounding survivors of sexual assault, mental illness, and other types of life experiences. While I should have been prepared to see this kind of language from Skidmore News considering their previous coverage on sexual assault and gender equality on campus, I truly expected more of the Editorial Board when it came to this topic.

I am not intellectually lazy. I have a good GPA, I have consistently taken 18-credit course-loads while simultaneously working three part-time jobs and running my own organization. I am strong, I am smart– and it has taken me years to be able to see this within myself. If memory serves me correctly, I have stepped out of a class only twice in my entire college career to compose myself– and this was not due to a trigger warning giving me permission to. This was because a professor did not use a trigger warning before launching into a discussion on graphic depictions of sexual assault– something that I was not mentally prepared to handle, but that I could have had there been a warning that this was where the conversation was headed.

If needing a trigger warning to be able to feel safe and able to engage in this community makes me intellectually lazy, than goddamnit, I guess I’m intellectually lazy. But if Skidmore News and other members of this supposedly warm and open community decide to stigmatize and create an unsafe environment for individuals who also need trigger warnings, then they are willingly ignorant and rude.

Please note that I have chosen not to respond to the Skidmore News article on their own website, as I do not want to give them any more publicity or traffic than I already have by addressing their horrifying remarks.

#ICYMI: Feminist News Round-Up (September 14 – September 20, 2015)

Photo: Andrew Burton

US House of Representatives Votes to Defund Planned Parenthood
On Friday, the US House of Representatives voted to block all federal funding of Planned Parenthood. While this bill has little-to-no chance of actually going into effect due to opposition from President Obama and the Democratic party, this sheds light on an important political issue– a woman’s right to make decisions about her own body– which we thought was set in stone with the passing of Roe v. Wade in 1973. Needless to say, we will keep fighting until bodily autonomy is assured for all women. We Stand with Survivors, and we #StandwithPP. For more information on the vote, click here.

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Photo: Vevo

Lady Gaga Teams Up with The Hunting Ground to Raise Awareness for Campus Sexual Assault
In her haunting new music video “Til It Happens to You,” released in partnership with The Hunting Ground, Lady Gaga reveals the realities of rape taking place each and every day on college campuses. Dianne Warren, the composer of the song, stated in an interview, “I want [people] to know that they’re not alone and they’re not victims, but they’re survivors.” Part of the proceeds from the song and music video will be donated to organizations that support survivors of sexual assault. To watch the video, click here.

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Photo: Startracks

Chrissy Teigen and Tyra Banks Shed Light on Fertility Issues
On a recent episode of their new talk show FABLife, models Chrissy Teigen and Tyra Banks disclose their personal struggles with infertility and discuss the pain that societal expectations have on them in this regard. Teigen stated, “I can’t imagine being that nosy to be like, ‘So, when are the kids coming?’ Because who knows what somebody’s going through? Who knows if somebody’s struggling to have children?” So many people are unaware that the expectation for women to be mother’s can be very emotionally and personally detrimental– we are so grateful that Teigen and Banks decided to speak out on the issue. To watch the full clip, click here.

#ICYMI: Feminist News Round-Up (September 7 – September 13, 2015)

 

Photo: Huffington Post

Controversy Surrounding the Safe Campus Act

For some horrifying reason, a bill (the Safe Campus Act) is being considered in the House which would limit colleges’ abilities to punish students found in violation of their sexual misconduct policy. If passed, this policy would only allow colleges to sanction perpetrators if survivors also file a complaint with police. This is in direct violation of Title IX, the gender equity law that allows survivors the option of of choosing to whom they want to report. For more information on the bill, click here.

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Photo: REX/REX USA

Lawmakers Pledge $80 Million to Help End the Rape Kit Backlog

This week, Vice President Joe Biden was joined by US Attorney General Loretta Lynch and Manhattan District Attorney Cyrus Vance to announce a new plan to process the estimated 70,000 untested rape kits in the United States– a pledge of $80 million worth of federal funds. This marks a huge step for the government towards the prosecution of rapists and protection of survivors. For more information about the announcement, click here.

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Photo: Make Love Not Scars

Woman Highlight’s India’s Acid Attack Problem via YouTube “Beauty Tutorials”

Reshma Bano Quershi, Indian acid attack survivor and activist, has garnered a great deal of attention this week for her beauty tutorial on YouTube, spreading awareness for India’s rampant acid attack problem. In her video “How to get perfect red lips”, Qureshi discusses that it is just as easy, and occasionally cheaper, for attackers to purchase concentrated acid as it is for her to buy a tube of lipstick. For more information on Quershi and the Make Love Not Scars campaign, click here.

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Photo: ABC News

#WhyIStayed Celebrates One Year of Viral Fame

One year ago last week, Beverly Gooden responded to the massive Ray Rice domestic violence scandal from a different perspective. She created the revolutionary hashtag #WhyIStayed in order to combat the shaming and demoralization of women who choose to stay with their abusive partners. To read Gooden’s one year reflection on #WhyIStayed, click here.

SAME STORY, DIFFERENT POLITICIAN: Donald Trump and Rape Culture

Photo Courtesy of Gage Skidmore

Donald Trump has certainly been taking over the internet and television with his, uh, interesting run for the Republican presidential nomination. Known for his accusatory and crude remarks about everyone from Jeb Bush to Rosie O’Donnell, it has been almost impossible to go a day without hearing someone talking about his latest offensive statement.

A few days ago, I was sitting in an airport terminal, checking my Twitter and getting ready to board my flight, when I see these tweets of his from 2013:

I’m sorry- what? This epidemic of military sexual assault is expected because the government decided to treat men and women as equals and allow both to fight in the military?

I could probably write thousands of blog posts about what is wrong and horrible about these statements, and maybe one day I will. But right now, I want to shed light on something equally as appalling: Donald Trump is not the first politician to make such horrifying remarks that perpetuate the cycle of rape culture. In fact, he is a part of a long line of politicians and members of the legal community who have made such remarks. Don’t believe me? Keep reading.

1. “[Rape is] simply, like, nobody plans to have an accident in a car accident, nobody plans to have their homes flooded. You have to buy extra insurance for those.” -Barbara Listing, president of the Michigan Right to Life on why abortion coverage should be purchased as its own individual policy, including for victims of sexual assault or incest
2. “[The sexual assault victim] was as much in control of the situation [as the perpetrator, and was] older than her chronological age.” -Montana Judge G. Todd Baugh on his decision to sentence a 54-year-old teacher to only 30 days in prison after being convicted of raping a 14-year old student
3. “If it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut the whole thing down.” -Republican Representative Todd Akin responding to a local news interviewer’s question about whether he believes abortion is justified in cases of rape
4. “If [sexual assault] is inevitable, just relax and enjoy it.” -1990 Texas Republican gubernatorial nominee Clayton Williams during to reporters and press while holding a cattle roundup on his ranch

Same story, different politician, still not okay. It is up to us to continue fighting this battle and raging against the rape culture so prominent in our society today. We’re glad to be fighting and raging with you.

Sexual Scoring and the St. Paul’s Prep School Rape Trial

The work Stand with Survivors partakes in oftentimes revolves around sexual assault on college campuses– I founded this organization after my own appalling treatment at my college after reporting my rapists. But recent headlines have drifted away from college hearings and focused in on a previously disregarded social strata: prep school.

This week, 19-year-old Owen Labrie is standing trial for several felonies involving sexual assault of a freshman girl at his prestigious New Hampshire prep school, St Paul’s, a mere three days prior to his graduation.

We will not get into the details of the assault– those are online in other forums if you are interested, but we believe that it is a survivor’s right to tell her or his story, rather than having the details of their trauma broadcasted across the internet due to an affidavit.

Today we will be focusing on this issue of “sexual scoring” and how it perpetuates rape culture.

According to Labrie, St. Paul’s senior males take part in the “senior salute,” a competition to sleep with more younger students than any of their other classmates. Each conquest earned them a tally, kept on a whiteboard on a wall behind the washing machine and then on an online forum. Labrie admitted to police that he did have the intention of having the highest “score” of his senior class, thereby winning this challenge and apparently the misogynistic respect of his male peers.

2011 St. Paul’s Aluma Carolyn Forrester commented on this pervasive rape culture at her alma mater: “This incident felt both out of the blue and like it had been waiting to happen for a long time.” She also stated that many aspects of the case appeared to be “business as usual” for the St. Paul’s student culture.

Sound familiar? It turns out that “scoring” culture is a strong sexual script for men, pervasive in almost every level of society. Sexual scripts provide cultural expectations and guidelines for sexual behavior— how people are supposed to approach the subject and how they are supposed to have behaved within said acts.

When we’re examining this scandal at St. Paul’s, however, we see this sexual script of “scoring” taken to a predatory level. Seniors only gained social credit when they had sex with freshman and sophomore students, presumably below the New Hampshire age of consent— 16 years old.

So what happens when sexual scripts collide with predatory, illegal actions such as sexual assault? Our stance is that while this may help explain the prevalence of sexual assault in prep schools, as well as other social settings, it does not excuse one’s actions whatsoever.

We at Stand with Survivors are sincerely hoping that administrators and adults in these students’ lives are taking the time to have conversations with them about the subjects of consent and sexual assault. If you have a child or other young person in your life, use this story as an opener to start an ongoing conversation about these things.

An Open Letter To Hanna Stotland: My Rapist Is Not My Responsibility

This post was originally posted on Community on BuzzFeed and is reprinted here with permission from the author.

Dear Hanna Stotland,

It is 7:32 PM on a quiet Tuesday evening. I should be watching the Red Sox game on TV with my grandparents or studying for the LSAT or getting frozen yogurt with my friends. But instead, I am sitting in my room, curled up in my mother’s old fleece blanket, reading and rereading a BuzzFeed article about a woman whose profession is helping students punished by their school for sexual assault transfer to other academic institutions.

I want to be mad. I want to break dishes and scream into my pillow and release my pent up anger in a raging frenzy. I want to be sad. I want to cry in my best friend’s lap—not a pretty cry, mind you—an ugly cry, filled with puffy eyes and snot and hiccups. I want to laugh. I want to fold my hands together and cross my legs, mimicking the seated position the woman takes in her portrait, knowing that I will fight her—this movement will fight her—and we will win.

But instead, I am here, letting these words burn into my mind as I try to process the information before me.

“She does not advocate lying – for one thing, it’s too risky – but her version of ‘honest disclosure’ is a favorable retelling of the truth.”

“‘I am an impassioned feminist,’ Scotland said. ‘But there’s nothing feminist about incompetence.’”

“She doesn’t see anything wrong with turning a profit while the fight over how schools should handle campus sexual assault plays out across the country.”

I know I should have an opinion on this—after all, I’m Abby-freaking-Woodhouse. I am seen as a force of nature. I am determined, strong-willed, and opinionated. I run an organization centered around fighting for the voices of survivors of sexual assault to be heard. I should know what I think about this.

I believe in the strength of truth. I believe in the strength of justice. I believe that there is no excuse whatsoever for sexual assault or violence. But I do not know what I believe about forgiveness.

The man who raped me during my freshman year of college was expelled for violating three counts of the sexual misconduct policy at my college. I had an order of protection filed against him in the state of New York. I cried at the hearing—of joy, of exhaustion, of relief. This man would not be able to harm me again, ever. I did not know what would happen to him, but I knew that it would no longer be any of my concern.

A year or so later, his name popped up on my Facebook feed as a “Person You May Know.” I clicked onto his profile with the intention of blocking him, but wound up discovering that he took a semester off after being expelled before transferring seamlessly into another university that was a mere thirty minute drive from mine. And—here’s the kicker—he was recruited to the wrestling team.

Over the next few weeks, I alternated between sobbing in fetal position on my floor to hiding in my room with the doors locked and shades drawn to trying to mask my pain with humor—”why wasn’t I asked for a letter of recommendation?”

All of those things are what I did to process this new information—the fact that his life got to keep going after he tried to end mine. He did not face any real repercussions. Yes, he hit a bump in the road by being booted from a small liberal arts institution but bounced back to a new school with new friends and a new life. I, on the other hand, was stuck at the same small liberal arts institution with the trauma and pain with which he left me that night to die on the bathroom floor.

I don’t get to just pick up and move on like he does. But then the thoughts started really piling on—what if it was a mistake? Does one horrific act mean that he needs to be banished from society? Does he not deserve a life or a family? What if he’s gotten better? What if he’s sorry? What if he never does it again?

I was weighed down by these thoughts for a long time—the guilt, the what-ifs, the shame and embarrassment. But this article made me realize that it is not my place to feel this. It is up to the way we punish rapists—whether that pertains to the legal system as a whole or individual college misconduct processes.

We need a reform, and we need it now. My rapist is not my responsibility. His future is not determined by my decision to come forward. He is in charge of his own actions, and his educational future was determined by his decision to rape me that night.

Yes, there are individuals who are falsely accused of sexual assault. And yes, there are individuals who are not believed despite telling the absolute truth. But that means that we need a reform of the system—we do not need a woman playing God and making a profit off of covering up horrific acts of sexual assault so that rapists can go to school.

So, going back to my initial conflict—whether to be angry or be sad or fight—I choose all of the above. I’m not sorry for my decision to come forward, not one bit. But thank you, Hanna Stotland, for making me question my integrity and then helping me refuel the fire that burns within me.

Sincerely,
Abby Woodhouse

ACTIVIST SPOTLIGHT: Feminist Twitter Accounts

 

In this week’s Activist Spotlight, we thought we’d switch it up a bit and bring you three of our favorite feminist Twitter accounts! We are OBSESSED with Twitter (follow us at @SWSmovement *wink wink*) and follow some amazing accounts, so we decided to give three awesome ones a shoutout!

1. Amy Poehler’s Smart Girls (@smrtgrls)
There’s no way we could have created this list without adding Smart Girls! Smart Girls is the brain child of Amy Poehler and Meredith Walker and is dedicated to “providing a healthy alternative to so much that is being marketed to young people on the internet.” It started out as an online show encouraging young women to follow their dreams and fight gender inequality, but turned into an online media hub of fun, feminism, and information. Whether this Twitter page is posting cute cat videos, the latest and greatest in feminism, or shoutouts to their followers (aptly dubbed “Smart Girls), followers absolutely love their content and find enthusiasm and support within this wonderful community.

 

 

2. She Is Fierce (@SheIsFierceHQ)
She is Fierce is one of our favorite feminist Twitters, hands-down. Every time we read an article from them or see one of their tweets, we immediately feel empowered and ready to take on the world. With a strong focus on empowering woman to achieve their dreams, She is Fierce posts everything from Taylor Swift memes to articles about how to be an awesome entrepreneur and mom!

 

 

 

 

 

3. Project Unbreakable (@ProjUnbreakable)
Project Unbreakable is a photography series focused on empowering survivors of sexual assault, domestic violence, and child abuse. These survivors are given the opportunity to create awareness and take back power by holding up signs with quotes from their assailants. Over the years, Project Unbreakable has grown into a widespread movement advocating for violence awareness. Project Unbreakable’s Twitter account is mainly a vessel through which photos from the project are linked, and we LOVE having these empowering photos pop up in our feed every day.

ACTIVIST SPOTLIGHT: Emily Rooke-Ley

In this week’s Activist Spotlight, we talk to reproductive rights activist Emily Rooke-Ley, age 22, who works as the Hotline Coordinator at Jane’s Due Process in Texas. You can follow Emily on Twitter here and check out more information about Jane’s Due Process here!

Stand with Survivors: Tell us about Jane’s Due Process.
Emily Rooke-Ley: JDP is a statewide nonprofit organization based in Texas. We provide pregnant minors with free legal representation and guidance with any legal issue they may present—most often, minors call us seeking assistance with judicial bypasses for abortion. (In Texas, anyone under 18 seeking abortion services must receive the consent of a parent or legal guardian. If a parent cannot be safely informed or located, the minor may apply for a judicial bypass—essentially permission from a judge instead of a parent).

SWS: What do you do within the organization?
Emily: I manage our 24/7 legal hotline and attorney referral service. Basically that means working with each caller to ensure that she makes an appointment at a certified abortion clinic instead of a crisis pregnancy center, that she has sufficient funding, safe transportation, someone to go with her, childcare if needed and—most critical to judicial bypass—experienced, compassionate and nonjudgmental legal representation. Also, since we are a two-person organization, I write our grants and newsletters, conduct our outreach, recruit and train our volunteers, do our social media and complete our monthly statistics.

SWS: What is HB 3994 and who does it affect?
Emily: HB3994 is an omnibus bill that specifically targets the current judicial bypass system. Through a whole slew of ridiculous changes, HB 3994 pretty much dismantles the judicial bypass system in place and makes safe and legal abortion inaccessible for most teens that cannot inform a parent.

Among the most egregious provisions of House Bill 3994 are the following:

• Jeopardizes the teen’s confidentiality by forcing her to file in her home county and provide the judge and courthouse staff her home address phone number.
• Allows the judge to refuse to hear a bypass case, effectively automatically denying a minor’s application
• Raises the burden of proof to that used used in criminal law—forcing a minor to prove with clear and convincing evidence that she has been abused, for example.
• Removes “physical, sexual or emotional abuse” from a parent as grounds for judicial bypass.  A judge may consider physical or sexual abuse, but not emotional abuse.
• Exposes judges ruling on the cases by reporting of the case number, applicant’s county of residence, date and appeals district.

You can read about the bill in depth here.

SWS: What can Stand with Survivors readers do to help fight against HB 3994?

Emily: First, talk about it. One thing I’ve noticed working with judicial bypass as opposed to reproductive rights and health more broadly is that it’s rarely discussed, even within this community. These girls are the most vulnerable population seeking abortions, yet we infrequently discuss their issues with access and the law. Second, find out what the law is in your state and see how you can help. Though Jane’s Due Process is the only formal organization in the country that works specifically with judicial bypass, there are judicial bypass projects under the umbrella of other organizations. And I imagine they need your help. Third, donate ; )

SWS: If you could, what would you say to teenage girls in Texas who are affected by the bill?
Emily: “This won’t be easy, but we’ll find a way.” And “I’m sorry.”